Disappointment

Resigned to the silence

I am prepared for the inevitable

Determined not to raise my hopes

For I already know that they would be dashed

When reality meets my expectations

I am not surprised
For it was this I planned for
The disappointment is avoided

Yet, somehow, all emotion cannot be evaded
And although it is not disappointment I feel
The bitter reality can not help but bring with it a hint of sorrow
Reminding me that all is not as it should be

And then, without warning or request, I hear your voice
I listen to your sorry excuses
And I try to stay strong
For I do not want you to hear the tremble in my voice

But as soon as the call ends
I burst into tears
Tears of sadness and frustration and confusion
And then the disappointment comes

I don't know when I lost you
I don't know why my love is not enough
I only know that it kills me to be seen as so unworthy and inadequate in your eyes
And it pains me that you don't even think my words deserve a reply

You see, I can bury my hopes
I can mask my disappointments
But deep down inside
It will always hurt me to know that you no longer care