I try.

Is there really a point to keep going from day to day?
Always pushing and striving to do everything I do with excellence
To be a friend worthy of the name
A daughter who does not disappoint
To give completely
To love with the entirety of my being

I try so hard, but I often wonder why
I am just so weary
Tired of working so hard
For something I don't even want
And longing so desperately
For something I may never have

And then I remember your words
So awkwardly out of place
Yet somehow so perfectly fitting
Of all the things you said on that fateful day
It is this simple exchange that I most often remember
I told you that "I try."
And all you said was "I know."

Five letters are all it took
To justify every tear I have ever cried on your behalf
Two words are all I need
To remind me that sometimes trying is all we're asked to do

So I won't stop trying and working and loving
Even if failure meets me at the door
I won't give up on this struggle of life
I'll keep trying
As long as you know that I am.

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised."  -Hebrews 10:36


"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."  -James 1:12

A fractured friendship......

Quick and shallow, I breathe
My throat is tight with anxiety
Foreboading lies heavy on my heart
He talks quickly
Words jumbling with nervousness and excitement
Music plays
It's my favorite band
And he knows it
My arms are crossed tightly across my chest
I am tight-lipped
My words terse and tense
A picnic lunch?
My heart sinks as I see it
All my favorites
And he knew?
Fear falls to the pit of my stomach
Consuming hunger with its own gnawing pain
He begins with the chit-chat
But I stop him and cut straight to the point
Why am I here?
He begins his apology
Listing off the reasons why he's wrong
And then I hear it
What I felt sure was coming all along
That silly little word
The downfall of even the sweetest sorry
"But..."
And I'm done
Knees drawn up to my chest
I sit there as he talks
But my mind is already far away
In another park
With another boy
Listening to another apology
And all I want to do is cry
But he won't stop
So neither do I
My words fly
Sharp and fast, but true
I can see by his face
That my words sting
Just not enough for him to ever change
And, just like that, he snaps
He says we can't be friends
That we can't talk anymore
So we drive
In angry silence
The tears leaking slowly from my eyes
When the car stops
I get out quickly
And slam the door
On our past
Our future
Our friendship
I turn my back
And sob.

Boys Don't Cry. Or do they?