There were some difficult days in 2010, but they were always brightened by the blissful happiness of a sweet smile and passionate love. In 2011, I was not so fortunate and the crushing blow I received in June was followed only by the oppressive weight of loneliness. Days and weeks and months have passed since then and I am tired. Tired of this heaviness in my heart and the burden of hurt and anger that I carry constantly with me in a strenuous effort not to lay it at the feet of the man who handed it to me. A burden which I too often swing, unwittingly, into those I love, spilling out stinging drops of pain on to my family who stand by as innocent onlookers. Yet I cannot seem to let go of the hurt without also letting go of him who caused it. So I soldier onward, but it's a heavy burden to carry into this new year and I am already weary. It is my fervent prayer, a New Year's "resolution" of sorts, that in 2012 I find a way to lay my hurt to rest without losing the love which burns so brightly for the instigator of this very turmoil. That in this coming year I muster up both the humility and faith to let God lift all this pain from my weak shoulders so that I can be filled with the peace of His love and at last gain the strength I so desperately need to move forward. Not so much in an effort to move away from or to forget what has been but rather to become an active and ambitious participant in that which God has yet to bring to pass.
'"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."' -Jeremiah 29:11
No comments:
Post a Comment