Snow Globe

A snow globe is
Such a boring piece of glass
When it sits on the shelf
Collecting dust like the knick knacks
That surround it.

Yet when it is grabbed by little fingers
And shaken into a flurry
Suddenly, it is beautiful

As the sifting, falling, spinning flakes of white
Dust tiny rooftops
Like a thick layer of powdered sugar
Young eyes watch in awe

Entranced by the magic in their palms
Eager hands cannot help but shake it,
Flip it,
And turn it upside down
Just to see the lovely flurry one more time

I am a snow globe

I used to sit on the shelf
Silent, ugly and unused
But with my future certain
And my plans well laid

Now I am
Held in the hands of God
And I cannot see past today
My plans are fraying at the ends

For it seems that every time the pieces of my life
Finally settle and shift and fall into place
As soon as my plans are made
Swoosh!
In an instant they are gone

My world is dumped back upside down
Plans are shaken apart
And I am left in a swirling mess
Bruised and confused
Begging for you to help me understand
Why I can no longer stand

Can it be
That you see more than ruined dreams
In this falling tumble of hopes and plans?

Is it true
That you find me beautiful
When I am on my knees?

Dreaming

I dream of you with my eyes wide open

I can see your smile

And the scars on the backs of your hands

I can hear the laughter in your voice.

So dream of me tonight

Let my laughter ring in your ears

Let my love dispell your fears

Let my face haunt your dreams

Like the memories of you fill my days

Even when I sleep

Our stories chase me through the night

Till they melt away in the morning light

And I am left to gasp myself awake

Trying so desperately to catch one last breath of you.

My cheeks are wet

Because I cannot shake the thought

That perhaps I will never again feel your touch

Except in the mirage of my own mind

That I will only see your smile

In these memories I relive over and over

Each night as I sleep.

Coming Home

Let me come with you.
I'll fight the shadows with you.
I'll chase the sunrise with you.
Just take me with you.

We'll run away together.
 I'll be yours forever.
 Let's run away back home.

Because where you are
Is where my heart is
And where my heart is
I find home.

So please, let me talk to you.
Just let me walk with you.
Please, let me come home.

Struggle

Fight the urge to fall
For I fear to fail
And yet it seems
My destiny is to meet defeat
So all that remains
Is to fall into my fear
And secure my failure
In a warm embrace
Before it crushes me
Beneath the disappointment
Of hopes I cannot meet

"The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone" -Psalm 118:22
"and whomever falls on this stone will be broken; but on whomever it falls,
it will grind him to powder."                                                                     -Matthew 21:44

May I fall, not into my own failure, but into line with His ways so
that my fall is broken by Him and I am broken on Him instead of being
crushed to powder as I stand in His way.

Lord, grant me the grace to believe what I know to be true,
that Your way is far better than my own.

The Leaves' Love

The leaves whisper to the sky

Dancing in the breeze

Their soft rustle moves the air

Even as they turn eager faces to the sun

They cannot help but flirt with the earth

As their undersides send flickering shadows

Spilling to the ground

Green and blue and brown

Gradually their flirtatious banter 

Grows into an irresistible attraction

Changing from green to brown 

To match their lover down below

Despite their castle in the sky

They have fallen for the ground

And now they gladly fall to it

For the chance to caress its face

As they skip happily in the breeze

Their soft rustle growing into a cheerful snap and crackle

Crushed beneath passing feet

They are pressed into earth's sweet bosom

Speechless now

For no sound could express the sheer joy of this union

Though their outward beauty has fled away

And they no longer possess the coy charm of their youth

These leaves have never been happier then now

Joined at last with their true love

They are dirt. 

People almost always portray it as sad...the leaves dying and stuff....but, really, they are just falling in love with earth.  :)

...

It seems that fear has won the fight

As I lay awake each night

Tired heart too full to weep

Mind too troubled to let me sleep

I cannot see past today

And the pain that paints it grey

But if I trust Your words are true

Then I know You'll see me through

So each day I'll just keep moving forward

Keep my eyes focused upward

Face turned toward the light

For You have made my future bright

In the Eye of the Beholder

Beauty is

Defined by you
Sought by me

An elusive prize

A shifting mirage of truth and lies

Is Beauty

The number of inches around my waist?
The number of boys who's lips I taste?

How I fix my hair?
What clothes I choose to wear?

Some nights I lie awake and wonder
What life would be like if I were

As lovely as the princess in a fairy tale
If I saw the number I wanted on the scale

Would you still have said goodbye?
Was your story just a lie?

Some days I just want to be beautiful.

Suffering, Submission, Perfection, Release

Inner veil torn

Ripped completely in two

Son’s suffering grants intimacy

For God’s chosen few

Suffering, submission,

Perfection, release

                                   

Pray without ceasing

Humbled down on weak knees

Fumbling, Groping,

Wanting to please

Voice firm and clear

Releasing of fear

Peace offered, Peace taken

Direction is clear

Hands gently open

Seeking  just  One

Heart soft and listening

Safe with the Son

Suffering, submission,

Perfection, release

Written for me by my mom in response to my poem, Torn.

Torn

Put you in my box of memories

High up on the shelf

Put you with the dusty volumes

Of my long forgotten past

Put you out of my mind

With all your love and hope and hurt

Put you out of my heart

Where you always came in first

 Is that what you want?

To join the ghosts that haunt my past?

Just one more friendship that didn’t last?

Around my neck I wear the key

The only one that seals the box

I filled with all I thought would be

But each time I go to fasten the lock

My heart shrinks back

For once it’s closed

There’s no returning

And so I stand here

Torn in two

Between the love I feel for you

And what you last asked me to do

Puzzle of Me

I am
A puzzle
A hodge podge collection of different pieces
That somehow
Click together
To form a landscape
Of colors
From dark somber hues of black and grey
To the brightest colors of a summer day

Like a puzzle
I am
Easily broken apart
Into a thousand little shapes
But readily put back together again
Although it takes time
To find the scattered pieces
And figure out where they fit
Into the picture of my life

You broke me apart
When you walked away
You thought
I would be okay
You were sure
That, with time,
I would somehow manage
To put myself back together
Although I said I never could

Just a puzzle, I am
Beginning to figure out
How my pieces come together
To form my life's bigger picture
As I work I start to think
You were right
Perhaps, with time,
All the pieces will fall
Back in place

But the closer I get
To cleaning up this mess
Of my life
The more puzzle pieces
I put in place
The clearer it becomes
That something is wrong
With this picture
I'm building

Then I discover
That when you left
You took the pieces of my heart
With you
And no matter
How much time passes me by
No matter
How hard I try to forget you and I
I still need those pieces to finish the puzzle

This puzzle of me
Will always be beautiful
In its own broken way
But it can never
Be complete
Without you here
I can never be okay
Without the pieces
You took away

Morning Reflection

The morning sun
Wakes me up
As I inhale deep breaths
Of Life
The essence of creation
Of Hope
The gift of your Spirit
Of Love
The very fiber of Your being

Your Life
Moves through me
Stirring my sleeping spirit
To awake
From its deadly slumber
And arise from this soft bed
Of worldly desires and pursuits
To walk in the fullness of your Plans
And be renewed in your abundant Life

Your Hope
Is a tiny seed
Fallen in the crumbled dust
Of my ruined life
Taking root in my very soul
It grows quickly
Pushing upwards
Toward the light of your Son
Filling me with Joy inexplicable

Your Love
Cannot be contained
In this fragile broken vessel of my heart
It overcomes me
Overfills me
A shining rushing river of You
Spilling out around me
In an unstoppable flood
Of never ending Love

And as my spirit quickens with Life
And Hope grows within my soul
As I am resurrected in You
Overwhelmed with the joy of your Love
I can begin to feel your gentle hands at work
Picking up the pieces of my damaged heart
Healing the devastation
I never thought could be repaired
Turning my tears to laughter with the wonder of
Your Life
Your Hope
Your Love
YOU

 "He heals the brokenhearted
  And binds up their wounds."  -Psalm 147:3

"Now hope does not disappoint, 

 because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts 

 by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

                                                                     -Romans 5:5

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; 
 there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. 
 There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
                                                                             -Revelations 21:4

Touching the Sky

Lights dance in and out of view
As the stars do a waltz with the moon
Till a curtain of clouds falls over the show
You try to join them
On heaven's grand stage
For the endless expanse of the universe calls you
With its foretaste of eternity
And you cannot resist the thrill you feel
When you dream of flying freely
Through the stars
Or dancing with the moon
The sky looks so close now
But when you reach out
Your hand brushes
The empty night air
Touching the sky seems so much harder than before
But you are not dissuaded
Upward you climb
To join the flickering hosts
Coming closer
And closer still
Till you feel sure
They must be within your grasp
Again you stretch out a hand
Only to strike it against the smoothest surface of glass
Confused you try once more
But you are met by the same containing wall
Confusion turns to dismay
You have traveled so far
And for so long
The stars seem to be dancing at your fingertips
But you cannot join them
Has it all been in vain?
Touching the sky seems so much harder than before
Is it even there?
Or are your flickering stars and dancing moon
Only hazy reflections off of a dirty mirror?
You look far below you at the twinkling lights
Gleaming brightly 
From the warm security of snug houses
And wonder why you ever left
To chase the sky
Disillusioned and disappointed
You are so far from home
Is it too late to turn back?
Yes, you have come too far to let go now
But touching the sky seems so much harder than before
With a sudden burst of strength
You summon every bit of courage you possess
And with both hands
Reach upward
Toward the sky you wish existed
Grasping for the stars
You always knew were meant for you
Pain sears your mind 
As your fists crunch 
Against the barrier above you
But nothing will stop you now
And even as the warm drops of blood
Splatter your face
The sharp crack of breaking glass
Fills your ears
And suddenly it falls away
In a glistening shower
Of shattered pieces 
Each one holding a brightly gleaming reflection
Like the broken pieces
Of your dearest dreams
And as you watch them plummet to the earth
Every shard that you worked so long to reach
Your heart is crushed by the weight of your sorrow
And you want nothing more than to fling yourself downwards
To join the ruin of your broken dreams
But just before you let yourself fall
You look up once more
And in that instant you are left breathless
For instead of the usual glimmer
Of light glistening on glass
Or the blackness that you expected
In the wake of your hopeless despair
Instead you see the moon 
More majestic than you could possibly describe
And with the moon
Dancing so gracefully 
That the most elegant ballerinas could not begin to compare
Are an entire host of stars
More beautiful than you could ever imagine
And you realize that all this time
You have been reaching for a shadow
Longing for the most distorted of reflections
And perhaps touching the sky 
Does seem so much harder than it ever did before
But now it is so many more times worth reaching
Perhaps our dreams need shattered 
So we can see the brilliance of what we can really achieve
And perhaps even our most vivid realities
Are no more than a dim reflection
Of the shining glory of eternity


"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."
                                                                        -1 Corinthians 13:12

Humanity

Fragile
We are
Trying so hard to be strong
Our humanity
Is the
Weakness
We try to hide
Our flaws
Behind facades
Of hard
Hearts
Broken so easily
By the wrong
Words
Spoken into the
Air
Around us filled
With the fragrance
Of countless tiny
Flowers
Clinging with such tenacity
To the branches
Where they were
Formed
From the dust
Spoken into existence
By His voice
Yet with the slightest touch
They fade from purest white
To a wilted brown
No longer filled with
Life
Bruises our souls
Like the brush of skin
Shrivels the freshest
Blossoms
Spring again with passing time
Growing fresh each
Day
Is another chance
To let our fragile humanity
Be stripped away
So that we can be made
New
Minds fixed on our
Creator
Of the smallest flower
He will take away
The crushing pain of a heart
Broken
Vessels will be filled with His
Life
Made full of joy
In the beauty of our
God
Loves us.

April 15th

A year ago
I heard the words
That rocked my world

A year ago
I spoke the words
That changed my heart

Standing in the growing dusk
Hands full of books
So close
That our skin brushed
Looking into each others eyes
We are loathe to say goodbye

His brother beckons him
And he nods
But before he goes
He says,

"Marissa, have I ever told you that I love you?
Really told you?"

And when I shake my head
I can feel my heart
Begin a wild beat
For as I look into his face
I know what he is about to say
And the very thought
That he will speak those words
To me
For the first time in his life
To me
That he would let down all his guards
And bare his heart
For me
Scares me beyond all measure
And then he says it

Speaking into life
The thoughts and feelings
That have hovered
Soft and sweet
Between us

"I love you."

The force
Of his emotions
Overwhelms me
And I wonder
If I can truly say
"I love you, too"

Is it possible
That in a few short months
The green eyes
Staring so intensely
Into mine
Have become the same eyes
I will long to reveal
Every part of myself to?

I hesitate
For those words
Mean more to me
Than simply describing a passing emotion
Or cementing a temporary bond

But when I look at his face
As he waits
With such a mixture
Of longing and uncertainty
I find no words to speak
Except for

"I love you, too"

And now
A year later
I know
That the words I spoke
Meant more
Than I ever imagined
For those green eyes
Have stolen my heart
Away.

New View

The day stretches on
As homework waits to be finished
My mind stumbles over problems
Left half done
Just like my missed classes
Have left my knowledge only partially complete

Nightfall comes and still yet
My work cries for completion
But for some reason
I rest easy in the realization
That I do not understand
And am, indeed, completely confused.

I am surprised at my lack of frustration
For though part of me chafes
At my obvious stupidity
Another part is relieved
To encounter a problem that refuses
A quick capitulation to my demands.

If only I could look at life
Through the same set of lenses
And take in stride the trials and setbacks
Which I so frequently encounter
Instead of letting hardship poison my heart
With disappointment and defeat.

It's time to view the world in a brighter light
To see my problems as foes to be vanquished
My heartaches as chances to grow
Rather than letting my troubles
Become barricades to the vibrant future
That God has set before me.

Defeat

I am weighed down by this burden that I cannot define
Stretched so thin that I feel sure I will soon be torn asunder
Muddling my way through this mess of life
I have never been more lost
I thought I knew what I wanted
And where I was going
But you have confused me
You have brought my plans
Tumbling down and I am
Undone.

I used to be so strong and ready to tackle anything that life threw my way
But it seems that all the fight has gone out of my blood
For I am always so tired and indifferent
I never thought this day would come
When I would be handed the keys
To the brightest of futures
And instead of joy  and excitement
I would be consumed  with doubt and fear
I never thought I would feel so
Defeated.

Beaten down, broken-hearted, weary of this world
I can no longer summon the courage
To reach out to you again
For each time I renew my faith in you
Each time I let my hope spring anew
You trample it down without hesitation
Sorrow turns to bitter disappointment
And my disappointment fuels a growing anger
I am so very tired and so very
Alone.

Better off without you...

I am surrounded by friends
My ears are filled with their light-hearted banter
And I cannot help but be swept up in the fun
Then, out of the blue, the thought hits me
For the first time in a long time,
I am happy despite you
And though it hurts me to acknowledge it
I am better off without you
The very idea confuses me
And I am left to wonder
If I ever truly loved you 
Then how can I be happy
When I know that you are gone
It is then that I remember
That when you fully love another
Then you no longer matter
It is not about yourself
I don't love you to make me happy
I love you so someday you see
That you are someone special
Especially to me
But when the only indication
That you even know I'm here
Is the fact that every chance
You get
You take
To break and smash and tear
Than it is only natural
That I only now can smile
When I know that you
Will not be back
To knock me down again.

Pictures....

Throbbing at the sight of your face

Bringing the tears in a stinging rush to my eyes

I kick myself for this sorrow I feel

For I know you have long since moved on

But what I felt for you was real

And it refuses to be quieted by my will

If only things had not gone as they did

If only I had kept my heart as my own

Instead of letting you inside

To so quickly rip it to shreds

But it's okay

I love you anyway

And one day you will know

That my love for you was worth more than this

More than just another college friend

More than just another passing whim

More than you have yet to understand

Enough to give up all I've ever wanted

To help you chase your dreams

My love for you

Would break down any wall

And cross any sea

That dared separate

You from me

Except for

This

Wall

Solid

Impenetrable

That you have built

Between

Us

This

Wall

That turned 'we'

Into

You

and

Me

I have tried

To break it down

But now I know

That my efforts are in vain

You have turned me away

Blocked me out

Rejected me

And I know

That we will never be

But still I cry

For what I hoped to see

Because no matter what you

Say

Despite everything you can

Do

I will always know that

I

Loved

You

Tragedy

Shaking
The shudders run through the house
And instinctively I grab my friend's arm
My body is tense with anxiety and fear
Waiting for the quick jolt
The crack of breaking wood
Which would alert us to the fact
That the disaster playing out on our TV
Had struck home at last

Suddenly
With no more preamble than it was begun
The movement stops
And the silence is broken only
By a collective sigh of relief
The fear that in an instant
Had obtained a death grip on our minds
Begins to dissipate as our stricken faces
Break into nervous smiles

Fascinated
We scan the channels
And scour the web
Searching for answers to what will be
For although we feel a certain security
In the comfort of our home
And the presence of dear friends
Within us all is that deeply rooted fear
That today we will meet tragedy face to face

Danger
Has finally passed us by
And we return to that warm sense of safety
That security to which we cling so tightly
Yet even as we revel
In the undisturbed beauty of our own little worlds
The barrage of images
Assaulting us from our brightly lit screens
Shows us all the brokenness of another land

Tragedy
Has shown it's terrifying face
And although we were not the ones
Who were forced to look upon it
We nonetheless recoil
From the endless parade of human suffering
That it has caused
For in the darkest corners of our minds
That quiet voice wonders why it wasn't us

Inhale

Inhale
And in that passing breath
I smell you
Strong and clean
It overwhelms me
With a sudden urge
To call your name
To bury my face in the crook of your neck
To feel your arms pulling me close
Holding me tight

Eyes
Flicker upward
And I realize
That you are not there
Only the ghost of a memory
Remains by my side
Even as my nostrils fill with your sweet scent
My eyes begin to fill with tears
For I know that never again
Will I feel your love

The day
Begun with blue skies and happy heart
Now shifts to darkened hues of grey
Sadness thicker than a bank of clouds
Rolls unbidden over me
For though, with each passing day,
I grow less tender to your blows
It seems I never can escape
The stark reality
That my love for you will never be returned