Better off without you...

I am surrounded by friends
My ears are filled with their light-hearted banter
And I cannot help but be swept up in the fun
Then, out of the blue, the thought hits me
For the first time in a long time,
I am happy despite you
And though it hurts me to acknowledge it
I am better off without you
The very idea confuses me
And I am left to wonder
If I ever truly loved you 
Then how can I be happy
When I know that you are gone
It is then that I remember
That when you fully love another
Then you no longer matter
It is not about yourself
I don't love you to make me happy
I love you so someday you see
That you are someone special
Especially to me
But when the only indication
That you even know I'm here
Is the fact that every chance
You get
You take
To break and smash and tear
Than it is only natural
That I only now can smile
When I know that you
Will not be back
To knock me down again.