Missing you.

You know the day you first hugged me was also the day you first told me you loved me?  
We got things so backwards.  <3  I miss you.

Today's Happy Happenstance

I was sitting on the steps outside of Cherry on Top eating my froyo in the warmth of the setting sun just minding my own business and watching the people pass me by as I thought over life.  Today has given me some trouble and I wanted to be alone for a while and get some sugar in my blood.  As I was getting ready to leave my warm step a family passed by me with their freshly acquired cups of sweetness.  I thought nothing of it and went to throw away my empty cup and spoon.  Walking back down Green St. I kept my head down focused on ignoring a young guy who had been checking me out while having a smoke with his buddy.  Just as I passed by them I heard someone calling me and I immediately felt a little panicked, but when I looked up I breathed a sigh of relief.  It was the same family I had seen leaving Cherry on Top a few minutes before.  The following conversation made my day.

man - "Hey!  So how old are you?"

me to the man- *are-you-kidding-me-right-now-look*

man- "I think you're 17, but my wife thinks your 25."

me to the man's wife- *are-you-kidding-me-right-now-look*

wife- "No! It's just that...well.."

me- "Oh!  I'm 19."

man to his wife- "See!"  

man to me- "What school do you go to?"

me- "I'm not from around here.  I go to the University of Hawaii-Hilo.  I'm just here for the summer doing a research project at Caltech."

man- "I knew you were smart!  So you go to Caltech?"

me- "No.  I'm from Hawaii, but I'm doing a project in theoretical physics at Caltech this summer."

man- "See!  I told my wife you were smart.  When I saw you I just I knew you were smart!  I wanted to make sure I wasn't losing my judgement.  Good luck with everything!"

me- *wondering-how-anyone-looks-smart-eating-froyo-on-a-street-corner*  "Thank you!"


Perhaps it was just the way he said it, "I knew you were smart!"  He was just so certain and emphatic about it even though all he had seen me do was eat froyo on a step.  It really made me smile.

I Dislike:

Those awkward times when you love someone too much to shut up even though you both wish you would.

Reminiscing

Innocent

Naive

Alone

Afraid

You saw me that day

But you didn't know what to say

Young 

Laughing

Happy 

Unaware

I had not the slightest idea

I had caught your heart in my snare

Classmates

Lab Partners

Study Buddies

Friends

Each week that passed the closer we grew

Still you never said what you knew to be true

Silly

Sleepless

Giggles

Mean

I never guessed that in lab you were always such a tease

Just to cover your blush when my thigh brushed your knees

Butterflies

Soft sighs

Late night talks

Random walks

I finally began to see

What you really meant to me

Flowers for my hair

Longing stares

Holding me close

Not letting go

Your eyelashes brush my cheek

I can't bear the thought you'll be gone in a week

Distance

Patience

Waiting

Weeping

Far apart now I remember how you rarely said

The thoughts running through your head

Fear

Jealousy 

Losing you

Fighting me

Just 'cause I don't hear it anymore

Doesn't make your love for me any less sure

Smile

Work

Hope

Love

One day we'll be together again

And nothing else will matter then

Shattered

When I say shattered, I mean it.  

Whether I am talking phones or hearts.

Suffering, Submission, Perfection, Release

Inner veil torn

Ripped completely in two

Son’s suffering grants intimacy

For God’s chosen few

Suffering, submission,

Perfection, release

                                   

Pray without ceasing

Humbled down on weak knees

Fumbling, Groping,

Wanting to please

Voice firm and clear

Releasing of fear

Peace offered, Peace taken

Direction is clear

Hands gently open

Seeking  just  One

Heart soft and listening

Safe with the Son

Suffering, submission,

Perfection, release

Written for me by my mom in response to my poem, Torn.

Torn

Put you in my box of memories

High up on the shelf

Put you with the dusty volumes

Of my long forgotten past

Put you out of my mind

With all your love and hope and hurt

Put you out of my heart

Where you always came in first

 Is that what you want?

To join the ghosts that haunt my past?

Just one more friendship that didn’t last?

Around my neck I wear the key

The only one that seals the box

I filled with all I thought would be

But each time I go to fasten the lock

My heart shrinks back

For once it’s closed

There’s no returning

And so I stand here

Torn in two

Between the love I feel for you

And what you last asked me to do