His Words

"The LORD your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; 
He will rejoice over you with gladness, 
He will quiet you with His love, 
He will rejoice over you with singing."
                                                                                          -Zephaniah 3:17

8/12/2011

I have poured out all my love

Spilled it out all around
Without reserve
Receiving nothing in return
Until my heart is empty

My heart is empty
I have nothing left to give
Nothing left within
Except the pain
Of my heartache

I need You now
More than ever before
So I come
Broken heart in my hands
Begging You to fill me up

Fill me up with Your never ending love
So that I never run out
Of love to share
Because I can't give away
What isn't there

...

You said it'd be okay
Just give it another day
A few more weeks more to wait
Till the pain would go away

You said to move along
That I was plenty strong
My heart would sing a new song
And I would be okay

So I said okay
I turned my back and walked away
I tried to carry on
But the hurt is here to stay

It seems you need
To have me here
So I will keep on keeping on
Even without you near.

Break Me Down

I stand and stare at the window
Wishing to see what lies beyond the glass
But instead I am confronted by the reflection of my own terrified face

Break me down
If that is what it takes
For me to see your face
The face on the other side

If it is my pride
That stands between us
And only lets my eyes see me,
Then, I beg you, bring me to my knees
Make me understand the frailty of my plans.

If it is my heart
That blocks my view of you
With its own selfish desires,
Then tear my heart asunder, withstanding all my tears,
Let me see the folly of my silly human fears.

When at last I am stripped
Of all my foolish pride
And my heart is wrung dry
Of all my hopes and loves

I will stand here, empty-handed and brokenhearted,

Yet filled with peace and grace

At last face to face.

Running out of Love

       People sometimes speak of "falling out of love", but it's always been a concept that eluded my grasp.  However, there is another issue involving "out of love" that I do sometimes worry about.  On occasion, I feel that, if I'm not careful, one day I'll run out of love.  I'll just wake up and be so tired and so sad and so completely empty inside that I won't have any more love to keep on giving away, not to my friends or family or anybody at all.  
       You see, there are some people that I have a hard time loving because, to be completely honest, I just don't like them very much, but it's not this kind of love that I'm worried will dry me up.  The love that I really struggle with is loving someone who is hard to love.  It may seem like a subtle difference, the difference between having a hard time loving someone and loving someone who is hard to love, and perhaps it is, yet it's an important distinction nonetheless.  The former is annoying, certainly, but the latter is just difficult, so very difficult.
       All I can do is just keep on and keep on and keep on.  I try to stay strong and I know I need to let myself be sustained and filled by Christ's love, but sometimes I just want to hear that one person say, "I love you, too."  I want to hear those words so badly that it seems if I can't, if I don't, I'll just shrivel up and die inside.  
       Today, I had a conversation with one of my mentors that made me think that perhaps the shriveling up and dying part of my story is a lot farther into the future than it sometimes feels.  My mentor said something that touched me quite deeply and her sweet spirit gave her words a lasting impact.


"I'll always love you. Even if you mess up, I will still love you and adore you."


       And, just like that, I realized that the idea of running out of love is as absurd as the idea of falling out of love.  It can't happen, because real love isn't like that.  "Love suffers long and is kind...love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 
       So, my dearest person in the whole world, I will always love you.......with a love that never runs out.......even if you mess up.  I will only ever love you more. 

Don't forget..........I love you.

"To navigate you must be brave and to be brave you must remember." -Mau Piailug

"to be brave you must remember" .....so remember this now and never, ever forget it......I love you.

Snow Globe

A snow globe is
Such a boring piece of glass
When it sits on the shelf
Collecting dust like the knick knacks
That surround it.

Yet when it is grabbed by little fingers
And shaken into a flurry
Suddenly, it is beautiful

As the sifting, falling, spinning flakes of white
Dust tiny rooftops
Like a thick layer of powdered sugar
Young eyes watch in awe

Entranced by the magic in their palms
Eager hands cannot help but shake it,
Flip it,
And turn it upside down
Just to see the lovely flurry one more time

I am a snow globe

I used to sit on the shelf
Silent, ugly and unused
But with my future certain
And my plans well laid

Now I am
Held in the hands of God
And I cannot see past today
My plans are fraying at the ends

For it seems that every time the pieces of my life
Finally settle and shift and fall into place
As soon as my plans are made
Swoosh!
In an instant they are gone

My world is dumped back upside down
Plans are shaken apart
And I am left in a swirling mess
Bruised and confused
Begging for you to help me understand
Why I can no longer stand

Can it be
That you see more than ruined dreams
In this falling tumble of hopes and plans?

Is it true
That you find me beautiful
When I am on my knees?