My Prayer

"Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back; 
expectancy, that is holding the face up; 
obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do; 
listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear."
                                                                              -anon                 


Lord, help me to continue to wait with steadfastness and patience.
Let me always look forward with expectancy to what You have planned for me.
May I never forget to listen for Your voice so that I can act in obedience to Your perfect will.   

About Me

I hate awkward moments in general, like that awkward moment where it's time to say goodbye to someone and you're too close to feel okay with just a smile and a wave and at the same time you're too close and too much water has passed under the bridge to feel comfortable with a hug. You stand and stare at each other nervously trying to decide what to do and later when you stop and think back on it you realize that there really isn't any good way to say goodbye except to walk away and not look back.

The Flower Song

don't forget to get
flowers for your sister 
he didn't 
or 
he didn't
he asked his mother
if he could get 
flowers for his sister
she said yes
he did

this is what i sing 
this is what i pray at night 


Written and sung by my 3 year old brother 

His Words

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, 
for He who promised is faithful."
                                                               -Hebrews 10:23

Touching the Sky

Lights dance in and out of view
As the stars do a waltz with the moon
Till a curtain of clouds falls over the show
You try to join them
On heaven's grand stage
For the endless expanse of the universe calls you
With its foretaste of eternity
And you cannot resist the thrill you feel
When you dream of flying freely
Through the stars
Or dancing with the moon
The sky looks so close now
But when you reach out
Your hand brushes
The empty night air
Touching the sky seems so much harder than before
But you are not dissuaded
Upward you climb
To join the flickering hosts
Coming closer
And closer still
Till you feel sure
They must be within your grasp
Again you stretch out a hand
Only to strike it against the smoothest surface of glass
Confused you try once more
But you are met by the same containing wall
Confusion turns to dismay
You have traveled so far
And for so long
The stars seem to be dancing at your fingertips
But you cannot join them
Has it all been in vain?
Touching the sky seems so much harder than before
Is it even there?
Or are your flickering stars and dancing moon
Only hazy reflections off of a dirty mirror?
You look far below you at the twinkling lights
Gleaming brightly 
From the warm security of snug houses
And wonder why you ever left
To chase the sky
Disillusioned and disappointed
You are so far from home
Is it too late to turn back?
Yes, you have come too far to let go now
But touching the sky seems so much harder than before
With a sudden burst of strength
You summon every bit of courage you possess
And with both hands
Reach upward
Toward the sky you wish existed
Grasping for the stars
You always knew were meant for you
Pain sears your mind 
As your fists crunch 
Against the barrier above you
But nothing will stop you now
And even as the warm drops of blood
Splatter your face
The sharp crack of breaking glass
Fills your ears
And suddenly it falls away
In a glistening shower
Of shattered pieces 
Each one holding a brightly gleaming reflection
Like the broken pieces
Of your dearest dreams
And as you watch them plummet to the earth
Every shard that you worked so long to reach
Your heart is crushed by the weight of your sorrow
And you want nothing more than to fling yourself downwards
To join the ruin of your broken dreams
But just before you let yourself fall
You look up once more
And in that instant you are left breathless
For instead of the usual glimmer
Of light glistening on glass
Or the blackness that you expected
In the wake of your hopeless despair
Instead you see the moon 
More majestic than you could possibly describe
And with the moon
Dancing so gracefully 
That the most elegant ballerinas could not begin to compare
Are an entire host of stars
More beautiful than you could ever imagine
And you realize that all this time
You have been reaching for a shadow
Longing for the most distorted of reflections
And perhaps touching the sky 
Does seem so much harder than it ever did before
But now it is so many more times worth reaching
Perhaps our dreams need shattered 
So we can see the brilliance of what we can really achieve
And perhaps even our most vivid realities
Are no more than a dim reflection
Of the shining glory of eternity


"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.
Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."
                                                                        -1 Corinthians 13:12

Questions

Talk to me now
Tell me how it is.
Pour out your soul into the emptiness
Explain the hurt, the lies and the silence.
Give me the truth.
Show me the facts
Why is it so wrong to miss you?

Happy Birthday

Today
Completes
A second
Decade

Twenty
Years
Of life
Filled

Childhood
Passed
So quickly
By

Teenage
Angst
Is over
Finally

Life
Path
Is chosen
Now

The
Weight
Of manhood
Shouldered

Two

Years

Is not

Enough

Share
Life
With me
Please

Together
Forever
My dearest
Dream

Decisions
Today
Will affect
Tomorrow

Choose
Wisely
Who you
Shun

And
Remember
My love
Grows

Each
Day
I spend
Waiting

Please
Make
My patience
Fruitful

Reach
Out
Take me
Now

Do
Not
Let me
Go

Vulnerability

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."
                                                                                                                                              -C.S. Lewis

Chris's Awesome Poem

My dear friend Marissa, I just don't get why
You love listening to songs that are so fly

You're my bro nonetheless, and big sister too
And I have so much fun when I'm chilling with you

Energetic smiles and such enthusiasm
I'm convinced you could leap the world's largest chasm

Amongst your laughter you can still be so serious
Sometimes I worry you're a little delirious

You're such a sweet person who likes to bake
Which is probably why you make such good cake!


Written for me by my epic friend, bro, and little brother, Chris. 

To Mom...with love.

You laid down your dreams

To pick mine up

And make them yours

You poured out your love

Holding nothing back

So that I could grow

Despite it all, I struggle to be free

From the confines

Of your sheltering arms

Yet, you are scared to let me walk away

For you know the ease

With which my heart will break

It's okay, I say,

It'll be alright

You know I'm tough

But you know better 

So you spend your days

Begging God to hold me close 

'Cause in your eyes

I'm still your little girl

Although I feel I'm growing old

And, as I walk away, all you can do is 

Wait for the blow to fall

And pray desperately that it will not

So when my heart is shattered

By the handsome boy

You knew would come along

It comes as no surprise to you
But it still pains your tender heart
To hear me cry myself to sleep at night

And though you try to comfort me with words

Of wisdom and love

I pull away

Too hurt to bear the sadness

That I see

Mirrored in your eyes

But, though I cringe at your sympathy,

I am reminded of how deeply

You have always loved me

Despite my resentful eyes

And sharp, tired words

You are always there

My anger and frustration

All my bitterness and hurt

Will never succeed in driving you away

My strongest advocate

My most loyal friend

My lovely, loving mother