Missing

       You know how it feels to fall off your bike and rip your knee open on the asphalt?  At first it hurts really bad. You keep thinking about it, because the pain keeps it fresh in your mind.  You sit next to your bike nursing your wound unwilling to get back on just yet.  Eventually you get back up and start riding your bike again and before you know it you're having so much fun that you forget about how much your knee hurts.  

       It's just the same way when a close friend leaves.  The difference is that instead of your knee it's like you get a tear in your heart.  It hurts so badly that for a while you aren't sure if you can keep going.  Everything fades out of focus, even the important things, except for the memories of that one person who isn't there anymore.  Yet, try as you might to stop it, life goes on.  You wake up everyday and each time the hurt and missing is a little less, until one morning you realize that you're okay again.  Sure, you still miss your friend, but it's not the same constant, unrelenting feeling that it was before.

        But you can't ride your bike forever.  After a while it's time to go home and when you get there you realize that even though you forgot about your cut it's still there....bloody and dirty.  Out comes the rubbing alcohol and wet cloth and suddenly, as the cloth wipes away the blood and grime, the alcohol hits your raw skin and all the pain comes rushing back.....sharper this time....and burning like fire.  

       It's like finally seeing that friend who you missed so much.  All the old hurt comes back....stinging your eyes....making you bounce with nervousness and excitement.  Memories start tumbling through your head and you realize that your wound wasn't gone it was only covered by the dust of passing time.  You bite your tongue to hold back the tears and as you look into your friend's face you can see some of your own turmoil mirrored there.  You wonder if it will always be this way.  Month after month....semester by semester.....year to year....until the cut finally closes and the missing subsides and all you're left with is a scar to remember them by........or will you one day be together again?  Like a fairytale with a happy ending?  Someone driving by shouts at you and asks if you're leaving soon.  Suddenly you realize that you're still standing there in the busy parking lot in front of your friend.  So you shake away the thoughts and try to smile.  You wave goodbye and life goes on.

1/9/2011